I’m pretty sure I’m having a mid-life crisis. Not in the traditional “get a bad ankle tattoo and dye my hair blonde” sense…but it’s dangerously close. Continue reading “Goodbye, Wilson.”
A few weeks ago, I watched a hilarious skit on Inside Amy Schumer. The skit centered on a four-women panel, speaking at an innovation conference. They were smiling, sitting confidently, waiting for the questions to begin. There was a sense of importance, pride in each of their faces. The moderator, who was a man, began with quick introductions down the line. When introducing Amy, he mispronounces her last name. Amy sheepishly smiles, mumbles, “Sorry!” and rushes into an apology for his error. The moderator continues, barely acknowledging her, then continues to the next woman. The introductions progress with more mispronounced names, or inaccurate credits of accomplishments. The apologies become more frequent and frenzied; they’re sorry for asking questions, asking for a glass of water (but got coffee instead). The skit ends with a panelist losing her legs, screaming she’s sorry for ruining everything.
This weekend I’ll be hosting (and trying not to fall a third time onto the stage) at the Rhode Island Comedy Connection for the super hilarious John Porch!
Come on down to laugh at me and with everyone else!
I was driving on the highway recently and passed a friend of mine. It was a quick exchange, no big deal. After she passed me, I felt a huge sense of relief that it happened on the highway and not in city traffic. If any of my readers drive a car, you will know what I’m talking about.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were cleaning up the house. Now, when I say “cleaning up the house”, I mean cleaning all of the pieces of garbage that his stupid dog gets everywhere. I came to the area in the bedroom where his dog bed was and stopped abruptly. “Um, babe? Could you do me a favor and just grab that stuff on the floor real quick?” I asked sweetly. Thinking there must be something heavy or gross on the floor, he came around the bed and looked down. “What? What is it?” he asked, looking very confused.
If you have read this previous post of mine, you can probably see where this is going. He, however, clearly did not read that entry. Great. I gave him the quick and dirty version of why I don’t touch foam. Normally, he is a loving and compassionate man. He’s very sweet and kind to me. So, you can just imagine my horror as he proceeded to laugh hysterically, pick up the foam, and chase me with it. I’d love to tell you all that we had a really good laugh about it, but, I’m not a liar. As I was running for dear life throughout the house, hysterical, almost on the verge of tears, he shouted “NERD!!!”
I’m not sure what it is about me, but I have this uncanny power to have complete strangers tell me the weirdest, most personal details of their lives within minutes of meeting them. I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but I promise you it’s true. There’s the time I was getting a pedicure and the woman pretty much told me that she was human trafficked here from Vietnam. Or the time that I was in TJ Maxx with a friend and a woman blocked our path and demanded our opinion on some crappy things she was buying. This small traffic stop resulted in a 15 minute conversation about how she is living with her ex husband, whom she hates, but loves his money. I don’t know what it is about me, but I just bring it out in people. It’s actually not a bad thing; it’s great for me because it gives me awesome stories. However, there is a time and place for a story, and when I’m laying on a table getting a facial, it’s not the time to talk about your bowel habits.
Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve written a post. I’ve been flooded with emails (I haven’t) from all my fans (there’s not many) demanding a NEW BLOG (never happened)! I’ve succumbed to your collective pressure.
Like the mother tomato said to the baby tomato that fell behind, let’s ketchup! There’s been an awful lot going on in my life over the past few months, and it’s all been very positive. It’s a nice change from the soul crushing winter where the most fun I had was taking a shower. It was awful; glad it’s over. So…..what have I been up to? Continue reading “Funny Girl”
Six minutes are nothing in the grand scheme of things. You don’t give a second thought to that small an increment of time. But, I have had six minutes stuck in my head for a month. Why? That was the amount of time I was given to try stand-up for the first time.
I have been toying with the idea of doing stand-up for years. In fact, for my 28th birthday in 2008, one of my best friends gave me an amazing gift. It was a wooden bar stool, a bottle of water, a fake microphone, and brick-style wallpaper that was glued on a pull down window shade. Essentially, it was a travelling comedy club. He had wanted me to practice at home before I went on a stage. I vowed that I would get up on that stage by the end of the year. Then, 2008 came and went. No biggie, I would just do it by the end of 2009. Then it became, “I’ll do it before I hit 30!” Then, I just gave up.