Posted in Life, Nonsense and Non Sequiturs

#NaBloPoMo: Day 1


The site BlogHer has thrown out the gauntlet to the blogosphere to write a post every day(!) for the month of November. Since I’m an idiot who likes to challenge myself to invariably fail, I signed up.

I’m looking at this as  a fun little exercise for me to get back in the ol’ swing of things. Or a fun exercise in how easily I give up. We’ll see. The premise is each day they provide writing prompts which I will most likely follow (unless I get some other good ideas) and you blog your silly little heart out!

Today’s the first day of the contest, and the prompt asks, “When you’re having a bad day with your mental health, what do you do to help yourself?” Continue reading “#NaBloPoMo: Day 1”

Posted in Just Stop It.

Lookin’ Good, Shithead!


I’m a pretty routine person.

During the work week, I wake up at the same time every day. Depending on my level of soreness, I have been going to the gym 3-4 days at 5:30 am. Once home, I begin my morning ritual: pee, start the shower, strip down, step on the scale, curse the scale, step off, immediately step on it again because maybe I read it wrong?, realize I did read it wrong and it actually went UP, curse the scale, angrily get into the shower, lather, rinse, repeat. I make a 12 cup pot of coffee in my trusty Mr. Coffee because it will inevitably get fucked up if I try to order it elsewhere. I pack my own lunches and snacks for work, mostly because I’m cheap, but also because I try to be healthy(ish). I leave the house at the same time, +/- three minutes to get to work on time.

Routines. Continue reading “Lookin’ Good, Shithead!”

Posted in Life

Dear Diary


Diary Recently, an old friend moved in. He showed up one night, begging for a place to stay. “I promise, its only for the night. You won’t even notice me! I’ll be out by morning.” This is someone I’ve known a long time and I’ve heard this line before. I should have said no and closed the door. Foolishly, I didn’t. It wasn’t long before I realized my mistake. Today turned into tomorrow, which turned into 2 weeks, which turned into a month. Suddenly, I’m stepping over empty pizza boxes, finding foreign hairs in my sink and seeing very weird recommendations in my Netflix queue. What was happening? I tried to get him to leave, but he wouldn’t move. He gave excuse after excuse, me falling for each one.

Who was this guy?

Oh, he’s my old friend, Writer’s Block.
Continue reading “Dear Diary”

Posted in Life, That Happened...

Open Letter To The Ticket Counter Lady At The Ferry Terminal


Dear Ferry Ticket Counter Lady:

Whew! That was close! I’m writing this letter to you whilst sitting on the ferry you in no way helped me board.

Thank you for your complete indifference and 0.0 sense of urgency to the line of customers waiting for assistance in getting on this ferry. Your lack of interest to the patrons who pre-paid for this now sold out ferry really helped me feel like I wasn’t going to miss the proverbial (and actual) boat. Continue reading “Open Letter To The Ticket Counter Lady At The Ferry Terminal”

Posted in Just Stop It.

Sorry, Not sorry.


A few weeks ago, I watched a hilarious skit on Inside Amy Schumer. The skit centered on a four-women panel, speaking at an innovation conference. They were smiling, sitting confidently, waiting for the questions to begin. There was a sense of importance, pride in each of their faces. The moderator, who was a man, began with quick introductions down the line. When introducing Amy, he mispronounces her last name. Amy sheepishly smiles, mumbles, “Sorry!” and rushes into an apology for his error. The moderator continues, barely acknowledging her, then continues to the next woman. The introductions progress with more mispronounced names, or inaccurate credits of accomplishments. The apologies become more frequent and frenzied; they’re sorry for asking questions, asking for a glass of water (but got coffee instead). The skit ends with a panelist losing her legs, screaming she’s sorry for ruining everything.

Continue reading “Sorry, Not sorry.”

Posted in Life

Life is a Highway (I don’t want to be stuck in traffic with you.)


I was driving on the highway recently and passed a friend of mine. It was a quick exchange, no big deal. After she passed me, I felt a huge sense of relief that it happened on the highway and not in city traffic. If any of my readers drive a car, you will know what I’m talking about.

Continue reading “Life is a Highway (I don’t want to be stuck in traffic with you.)”

Posted in Life

NERD!!!!


A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I were cleaning up the house. Now, when I say “cleaning up the house”, I mean cleaning all of the pieces of garbage that his stupid dog gets everywhere. I came to the area in the bedroom where his dog bed was and stopped abruptly. “Um, babe? Could you do me a favor and just grab that stuff on the floor real quick?” I asked sweetly. Thinking there must be something heavy or gross on the floor, he came around the bed and looked down. “What? What is it?” he asked, looking very confused.

If you have read this previous post of mine, you can probably see where this is going. He, however, clearly did not read that entry. Great. I gave him the quick and dirty version of why I don’t touch foam. Normally, he is a loving and compassionate man. He’s very sweet and kind to me. So, you can just imagine my horror as he proceeded to laugh hysterically, pick up the foam, and chase me with it. I’d love to tell you all that we had a really good laugh about it, but, I’m not a liar. As I was running for dear life throughout the house, hysterical, almost on the verge of tears, he shouted “NERD!!!”

Continue reading “NERD!!!!”

Posted in Just Stop It., Life

An Open Letter to Hipsters


Dear Hipsters:

What’s up? N2mh. You’re probably wondering why I’m writing you a letter that’s not typed on a typewriter. I’m sorry, but mine is being repaired. And if by repaired I mean I don’t have one because I embrace technology and don’t fuck with White-Out anymore. Continue reading “An Open Letter to Hipsters”