Posted in Dating & Relationships, Feelings, Mushy & Gushy

Happy (Un)Anniversary


September 15, 2015

Dear 2007 Marie:

Today is our eight year wedding anniversary. Crazy, right??

That was the first thought that popped into my head this morning when I woke up, and it made me smile. Such good memories! You are dressed in a beautiful wedding gown with flawless hair and makeup. People fawning all over you, taking pictures. The only thing you had to do was show up! When does that ever happen? We were surrounded by lots of loving friends and family, ready to have a huge party and celebrate this awesome day.

Then, I rolled over in bed, looked to my right and saw the man I love. Except, it’s not the man you married. Continue reading “Happy (Un)Anniversary”

Posted in Dating & Relationships, Feelings, Mushy & Gushy

Dating: I Was Doing It All Wrong


When I was at work the other day, I got a text from my boyfriend. At first, I wasn’t sure what I was looking at. It was a picture, but it was hard to see what it was. I clicked on it to enlarge, and there it was: it was a picture of poop, floating in a toilet.

I was ecstatic.

This was a historic moment, and I wanted to share it with someone. Grabbing my phone, I intended to show my co-worker, sitting behind me. Halfway out of my seat, I realized it probably wasn’t the greatest idea. (Still not my worst, either).

“Is this some weird kind of scat fetish?”

I should probably tell you those turds belonged to his 3 and a half year old son, who is in the midst of potty training.

How did this become my life?

It started a little over a year ago, when I first met my boyfriend. Both new to stand-up comedy, we met at an open mic. I thought he was hilarious, adorable, smart, charming. He had a job, a car, and his own place. (You wouldn’t believe how difficult it was finding someone who met those three basic requirements.) He was everything I wanted in a partner, except for one major obstacle: he had a kid.

Not my boyfriend. Not his kid.
Not my boyfriend. Not his kid.

Full disclosure: I never wanted a relationship with someone who had kids. In fact, it was kind of a deal breaker. I could barely handle one adult relationship; how could I deal with a child? In my mind, dating a man with kids meant not doing what I want, when I wanted. It meant sacrificing time, attention. It meant I couldn’t be selfish. That’s not an easy admission. But, after some serious self-reflection, I decided to break my own rules and give the relationship a chance.

Once we had been seeing each other for a while, he decided to take the next step and introduce me to his son. I was petrified. I really liked him and didn’t want the relationship to end.  But, what if his son didn’t like me? What if he didn’t like me with his son? Even worse, what if I didn’t like his son?? These thoughts scared the proverbial shit out of me. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that kind of commitment.

I was wrong.

Of course, his son is beyond adorable and I can’t believe I ever questioned my decision. I’m having the time of my life. I look forward to seeing him, hearing his tiny (yet very loud) voice shout absurd declarations, mostly about needing more apple juice. Even the dog, who could care less about us, gets excited that he’ll be chasing him around the house for a week.

Gone are my days of day drinking and lounging around in my free time. Instead, we plan days and weekends with trips to the park, children’s museums, looking for bugs, monster truck shows, spontaneous glow stick parties, and digging in sandboxes. He makes up hilarious stories and has us laughing all the time.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned has been to trust my heart, not my head. If I never gave this single dad a chance, I would have been one giant turd.

Posted in Dating & Relationships, That Happened...

OkStupid: Part Two


Yesterday was my birthday. I’m still waiting for your cards……but anyway. I had a great day; had a massage, saw my friends, had an awesome dinner, went for drinks. I didn’t think it would get any better than that, but as usual, I was wrong. As I was sitting and sippin’ on my delicious drink at the bar, I got a notification I had a message on OKC. Of course, my friends wanted me to read it immediately. So, I did.

I’m just going to post the conversation as it happened, in real-time. Because my friend’s are assholes just like me, we decided then and there that this needed to be addressed. So, we did. While drinking.

Just a warning (MOM), there is some “strong” language in here. I debated on whether or not I should post these, but I saw that he disabled his profile today, so I don’t care. I like to think that I had a hand in that. Oh….and in case you’re wondering, I disabled mine too. I took screenshots tonight for posterity’s sake. After last night, I need a mental break from this.

So, dear readers, I present to you, The Message! Can’t make this shit up, folks.

Continue reading “OkStupid: Part Two”

Posted in Dating & Relationships, That Happened...

OkStupid: Why Didn’t You Just Tell Me You’re A Complete Maniac?


True story.

If any of you have read my initial blog post (Catharsis), then you know would know that I am in the process of a divorce. While I’m not hiding this aspect of my life, I’m certainly not making it my defining feature. That being said, I have started to wonder what the world of dating is like now. I haven’t dated anyone since 2003, and things have completely changed since then. There was no Facebook, there was no texting, people still called each other on the phone. There wasn’t even MySpace (I don’t think?). So yeah…its a lot different now.

I decided about a month ago to geeeeeeeeeeeeently ease my toe into the dating pool, just to see what was going on these days. I work 40 hours a week, and I don’t really do the bar scene. Most, if not all, of my friends are married with children, as are all of their friends. So, pickings are slim. There’s really only one other option to meet people at this point: a dating site.

Continue reading “OkStupid: Why Didn’t You Just Tell Me You’re A Complete Maniac?”