Oh, hey there everyone. It’s been a little while since my last posting. I know you’ve all been hanging on the edge of your seats….
I’ve been suuuuuper busy with a ton of social engagements and really fun stuff in my life! I totally don’t have time for this, or anything!!
Convincing? No. Of course not. This weather/time change has been a total fucking bummer and has taken any and all motivation from my life. I have been very content sitting on my couch in my pajamas at 4:30 pm, watching Judge Judy, wallowing in my own self pity, and being generally miserable. I’ve decided that could lead down a very ugly path, so I’m hopping back on the ol’ horse and riding back into society!
While I have been in my self-contained world of misery, I have of course been trolling Facebook. I have come to a place in my life where I feel like I really should just get rid of it; it’s enraging me more than entertaining me at this point. I literally get mad at about 90% of the postings I see. My feed has turned into a garbage heap of e-cards, advertisements, and weird news stories. However, there is a particular type of posting that is sure to set me off into a rage: the “like and share!” posts.
Here’s what I’m referring to:
The Time Demand: Like in 3 seconds if you support our troops!!!
The Moral/Ethical Demand: Like if you hate cancer!
The Useless Information Share: Share if you love your kids/parents/family/dog/cousin!
The Threat: I love God! Share and you will get a miracle! If you don’t, something bad will happen!
The Make-A-Wish Like: My mom says if I get 10,000 likes I can go to Disney!
Ok, do you see my point here? If you don’t like a picture of the “troops” in 3 SECONDS (!!), you’re basically a Communist. If you don’t “like” to hate Cancer (confusing?), you obviously love cancer and all of it’s destruction. Not sharing the fact that you love your family, etc., makes you a narcissist asshole; God TOTALLY trolls Facebook to find out who “likes” him when deciding on miracle work, and you’ve ruined a child’s life by being the one person who didn’t like that picture, so now they’ll never get to Disney. If your mom or dad tells you that you need 10,000 likes to go to Disney, guess what? Your parents are mean fuckers and they will never take you there.
I’m sure that there’s someone reading this here and saying, “Hey! I’ve done that!”, and they’re probably hating me pretty hard right now. Well, I’m sorry (not really). I’m sure you’re a lovely person, but you’re cluttering my news feed and making me angrier than I already am.