Quitting Smoking: 2013 Redux


Time to (again) say goodbye to you, old friend, Marlboro. We broke up in 2005, but I let you back in. I was weak. You promised it would be different this time. I was wrong.

We have had some good and bad times over the years. But I’ve come to realize you’re just no good for me. You can simultaneously make me feel happy, content. But then you started to get a little too possessive. I tried to get away but couldn’t. You’re my Bobby Tennison. I can’t have it anymore. Enough is enough.

There is nothing worse than going through this process again. I am pissed at myself for even getting back into it. It starts off small, one here and there, and next thing you know, you’re a fiending junkie again, thinking about your next one. So, I decided before I fall further into the ashtray that I am going to quit. I bought my patches last night and applied today. I even broke my last 4 cigarettes last night and into the garbage. I’m not going to lie, that was a little traumatic.

What makes you start smoking, anyway? For me, my father was a heavy smoker, and was probably the largest contributor to his death. As a kid, I remembered begging him to stop, especially after reading Ramona and Her Father. I’m pretty sure I did exactly what Ramona did to him. Did it work? No. I’m sure he wanted to quit, and I’m sure the fact that his daughter annoying the shit out of him with various notes all over the house didn’t help either. I could be a bit of a nudge.

So, it really makes 0.0% sense that I started. I hung out with kids that were trying it and I guess I fell into that peer pressure thing. There was the cool factor. Anyone who has ever smoked would be lying if they said that at some point in their life, they didn’t feel cool when smoking. There’s some weird comfort that comes with it. But as you get older, that coolness factor starts to fade and then you realize that you’re really fucking hooked. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had epic battles with myself on not having another one. But then I find myself 20 minutes later outside, feeling like a loser. So goes the cycle.

I don’t have a little Ramona in my life, giving me notes on why I should stop. It’s just me, myself, and I this time. I’ve done it before, so I can do it again (I think). I just have to do the following:

1. Stop drinking coffee

2. Stop drinking alcohol

3. Stop eating

4. Stop driving

5. Stop going into gas stations

6. Avoid people who smoke

There you have it. Very simple. I’ll be ship-shape in no time!

One final note to the former smokers: don’t tell people how great you feel and how disgusting it is. You’re being a dick. Remember, you used to be cool once, too.

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